Dear Australia - Love Kevin

The Not the Budget speech...

• Dear Australians,
  
  Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Federal Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
  
  Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Centrelink to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
  
  Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
  
  Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
  
  Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. My government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives Australians.
  
  Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your local Member of Parliament. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
  
  Enjoy the Future!
  
  Sincerely,
  Kevin 747