Thursday 12 June 2008

Where the bloody hell are you

I know. I know. You've all been wondering where I've been.

A boy's gotta have a holiday sometime, you know. Plus, I can't spend every day with you lot, like I did in the 9 months leading up to the birth of the new Council. It's been a rather selfish time of late. It's been all about me. Me, me. me.

It's not like there's not enough to comment on in the local press. Umm, that thing called a newspaper. And our newly-crowned Council appears to be doing a great impression of a visiting circus. More on that soon.

After all the media hype over the impending December withdrawal of some Japanese inbound passengers, you'd think the world is about to fall in. As my mate, and probably the only true-blue Councillor around the new Regional Council table, Robert Pyne said: it's about time we all stopped being single-minded about what our town and region is all about...

"Why have we allowed [Cairns] to become so dependent on tourism?," he says. "How many downturns do we need to get a widespread commitment to greater diversify the local economy?" says Pyne. Hear, hear.

I know Lord McKenzie on Eight Four Sux AM this morning went on and on about this. He says that we're all part of tourism up here. "Anyone after the last pilot's strike realised we are all part of tourism," he bleated on.

This is only partly true. I admit that every business sector has a rub-on effect. However, Rob-the-Rich-to-Pyne-for-the-poor is closer to the point here. If we are to be a one-horse business town, or perceived as such, then it's all over red rover when it comes to a change in the market.

With oil prices getting harder to afford than a Council application for a Portsmith Brothel, we will have to all consider different ways of doing business, should we want to continue to call the far north our home.

I have a suggestion.

The new Regional Councillors could do what the lads from Condamine, QLD - and many other have done: The all-too popular nudie calendar!

I can see a rather Leu-wd calender, sporting a different Councillor for each month...

January -
Cr Paul Gregory. On a Cairns Works tractor digging water culverts around Gordonvale.

February -
Cr Nancy Lanskey. Decked out on a horse and saddle, in the middle of the Council Chamber.

March -
Cr Robert Pyne. Sexily positioned on his new hybrid-powered wheelchair.

April -
Cr Kirsten Lesina - Her graduation gown and ego should cover most things, except her height.

May -
Cr Alan Blake. Spread-eagled in City Place with a tiny mop and bucket covered what little dignity he has left.

June -
Cr Linda Cooper. Just Linda. Anywhere.

July -
Cr Diane Forsyth. On her Edge Hill dodgy-in-need-of-repair roundabout.

August -
Cr Margaret Cochrane. Knee deep in water on the flood-prone Yorkeys access road.

September -
Cr Sno Bonneau. Anywhere in the Bluewater Lagoon. Dredging the channel. Sans speedos.

October -
Cr Julia Leu - Driving the Sugar harvester off to the Mossman Mill. With a grinning Bill Phillips-Turner looking on.

November -
Mayor Shier - Spread-eagled across the Spence Street intersection, strategically covering a pot hole, with her Mayoral chains draped in a position to make her Machans Beach neighbours proud.

December -
There will be no December naked Councillor. This will be allocated to CEO Noel Briggs.

Just glad that naughty Rod Davis from Port wasn't elected.


Janine Aitken said...

Lets all hope they dont, Its more than a bear can bare!

Anonymous said...

yes mrs bear, besides Val is actually a man in drag, aint it obvious!

lillianatyorkeys said...

Vintage Michael - good, good & incisive fun. And Person With A Bottom Where There Face Should Be (odd for a signature, but whatever) Val is pretty definitely NOT a man. I haven't tested personally, but a girl gets a fair idea of another girlie. She's just tall.