Saturday 31 October 2009

Ditzy Dan dumbs down a doozie dity

Oh dear, this is becoming a sport. They're not even making it hard for us anymore.

Daniel Bateman's column in today's Cairns Post, is right up there with the opinion feature Thomas-a-dingo-stole-my-story-Chamberlin wrote just over a month ago, when he suggested - seriously - having the disgraced former Cairns Regional Council CEO Noel Briggs on the interview panel to pick his replacement.

When Thomas mentioned to a Council staffer the day before about his 'story' idea he was working on, he confirmed he was dead cert.

Today's silly feature story, that Editor Webster donates almost a full page to, matches Thomas' high accolades of journalistic endeavours. It again professes to be a legitimate dialogue of current issues, pressing matters, and intuitive dialogue with it's readers. Or does it?

"Reporter" Dan Bateman suggests that Cairns should change it's name, penned in a 'letter to Val.'

Is this the best that the Post's journos can come up with in our major weekend regional newspaper?

"We need to change the name of the city," Bateman writes. "Does the city need a new name? What would you like to call the city? You may not be aware that our mono-syllabic city name tends to be quite the tongue twister among our international visitors."

"To put it bluntly, they just don’t know what to do with it, mangling it like Madonna singing Don McLean’s American Pie. If you don’t believe me, the next time you’re lined up for a flight home in the airport ....... strain your ears and listen to the antics that go on across the Virgin Blue counter," Batman, I mean Bateman goes on to bore us, para after para after para. It's like reprinting a month's worth of Gavin King in one article. At least the King could write and string a few thoughts together, in between not feeding his dog. God dam it.

He goes on with "American tourist: "Ceeeeehrns … I mean Cehns. No? Cerrrrrns???" They really don’t know what to do with it. And it’s just as bad for us Cairnsites on the rare opportunities we get to go overseas – everyone thinks we live in France," Dan Bateman scribes.

"But what do we rebadge Cairns as, you may ask? ...No need to worry there, I’ve done most of the heavy lifting for you. Cairns’ biggest competition for the tourist dollar at the moment, believe it or not, is Townsville... We’re going to need to become a ’ville ourselves," Dan spouts forth full of wisdom beyond his years.

".......the logical name choice is (drum roll, please), Awesomeville. Think about it. If you lived down south and had a choice of holidaying in North Queensland in either a place called Townsville or a place called Awesomeville, it’s a no brainer, ain’t it?"

Other ideas from this master of invention and suggestion: Oarsham, oarsome, Cairn-Cairn, ca-ching. I genuinely don't know if the writer was trying to be funny, serious, or just plain goofy. He makes the Chaser lads look like T. S. Eliot.

And this is what we get for a Murdoch 'quality news service' that we'll all want to pay for? What a waste of $1.70c.

PS: Evidently you can email Bateman with name ideas. Why, I don't know. It'll only encourage him.

PPS: What on earth does his title headline "Change the name of game" mean?

PPPS: So, do you think Cairns needs a new name? You can even vote in one of the Post's delightfully inciteful polls, where there's never any statistics of how many voted, just a percentage. I expect they make the whole thing up.

PPPPS: Post in the comments below, your suggestion for a new name for the Cairns Post!


Gavin Bland said...

Can't decide between cairns and cans? If we need a 'ville to compete how about Tinsville?

Thaddeus said...

He probably had a couple of hooches before sitting down to write this bit of drivel.

Bryan Law said...

Ha Why e2 "Better than Vegemite".

Can I have a salary now from TTNQ? Please?

Council Watcher said...

Methinks Pongsville might be suitable name, at least for the collection of suburbs priviledged to experience the nightly pong from the dump. Cairns needs to clean up its act in many ways. A pong by any other name will smell just as bad.

Beet Wiggins said...

Since Gavin King's departure, no-one at the CP has really picked up from where he left off. Perhaps
Bateman has been handed the baton, and whether it's tongue in cheek or not, it's a pretty awful
piece of writing, which says more about the low standards of the editorial staff than anything else.

Posted by: Beet Wiggins of Edmonton on Cairns Post comments10:42am Sunday
Comment 16 of 25

Unknown said...

King wrote a pretty decent article on Cape York last week, then used an entire page this Sunday to explain why he got rid of his dog...

Still, compared to the mindless dribble that is being published in the CP at the moment, he was a literary genius and that is saying something !

nocturnal congress said...

Thank Christ Gavin King has gone. He has done his damage though. See where the "old boys club" of Cairns has come out again, in the form of Stan Marsh (former DLP & National Party Candidate) in todays "Cairns Post" canning Val.
Old Stan is a bible bashing, Joh-lovin, greed is good and women-in-their-place old dinosaur.

Unknown said...

It is also scary how this well orchestrated campaign in favour of Freebody's Waterpark was carried out simultaniously by the cairns Post, 4 CA and that FaceBook group. Coincidence....?

it reminds me abit of kevin Byrne's campaign for mayor, while he was still in PNG. It started months before the election both in the cairns Post and on 4CA.

And I am glad as well that Gavin King is gone,if only for the damage he caused to the effort to save the Cairns Yacht Club.

After the place was demolished and he was sacked from the Cairns Post, the weasel then had the audicity to tell McKenzie that in hindsight he regretted undermining the effort to save the Yacht Club.

Even more galling (and apologies for going off-topic) is a letter in the Cairns Sun from someone from JCU "searching for Yachting Memories".

it's a bit late for that... !

Val Smere said...

I miss Gavin King...

nocturnal congress said...

The Grateful Mac....a man who gets rid of his dog ain't worth spitting on if he's on fire, mate.
Thanks for the info. It confirms my low opinion of King.

Balaclava Rd Bandit said...

I'm 99% sure King wasn't sacked from The Post. The Courier Mail isn't in the habit of employing people who have been sacked.....

The Yacht Club had extremely limited public support, no matter how vocal it was. The majority of the community were either glad or couldn't of cared less when it was pulled down. Which is probably why the usual crowd turned up to the 'protests'......

Pretty sure the same people behind the 9-11 conspiracy, the faked moon landed and Donald Trumps hair are behind the simultaneous Machiavellian manipulation of the Cairns media!!!!! Tin foil hats on kids, the CIA is trying to read our minds!!!

Unknown said...

And there I was thinking "the Zionists' were behind it all...

There is no "conspiracy" behind a well organised media campaign. It happens every day and you can't deny that there was a big push by the Cairns Post and 4CA to get the thing approved.

As for public support.. the majority of the community will not get of their butt for anything, (except maybe for waterparks ..)

But would they march in favour of it, if it had been knocked back ?