Friday, 14 September 2007

Our School Report Card

How many students does it take to change a light bulb in Far North Queensland schools?

• Cairns High - Thirty one. One to change the bulb and thirty to paint interpretive murals about it all over the city

• Kuranda - None. The air is so thick from spliffs you can’t see the bulb, man.

• St Augustines - Forty three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.

• Trinity Bay - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one

• Trinity Angican School - Three. One to put a formal complaint abut the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn’t half as bright as the light shining from their arses

• Woree High - Six. Four to break into the store, one to steal the globe and one to install it

• St. Marys - One. He/she holds the bulb and the world revolves around him/her

• Smithfield High - None. They're all to drunk to notice

• St Monica's - Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times

• Cairns Christian College - None. The Lord will take care of it.

• Gordonvale High School - None. Everything not welded down had been flogged long ago

• Mossman High - One. The only person who isn’t suspended, wagging, playing sport or living in a tree

• Peace Lutheran - Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about Peace Lutheran

• Innisfail High - Does anyone really give a fuck?

• Malanda & Atherton High - Can cows actually change lightbulbs?!

(with respects to 'Chalkie')


Anonymous said...

I've just recently joined in on accessing this sight and was looking foreward to enjoying informed commentary and basically, interesting stuff. The 'report card' thing has me now wondering and leaves me slightly bewildered as to why this not very funny and not very original piece has been included-I'd expect to find this on a year 8 website and it would probably not impress a lot of THEM! Sorry if I'm coming across as a kill-joy but really, could'nt you aim a little higher when it comes to humour?

Anonymous said...

Oh it was a bit of a laugh, lighten up .. we need more humour in this humourless world and this humourless council!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dave the man I had a feeling someone would tell me to 'lighten up', but lights my favourite colour-some even think that I can be funny! Mind you, their all related to me!
My point is , I just reckon if you find that to be a bit of a laugh your gonna die with the next batch of 'blonde' jokes!

Anonymous said...

I just wonder in this day and age if teenagers would actually know how to change a light bulb?? Many of them couldnt cook a proper meal, wash their own clothes, nor iron them, make a bed, or vacuum the carpet. As for doing the dishes I know one mum , who is told NO when she asks her teenagers to do the dishes!!! They dont think its their responsibility. My partner has adult children, who still live with him and cant and wont do the above chores, and the boy doesnt know how to mow the lawn ! So changing a light bulb safely just wouldnt compute!!!