Monday, 8 December 2008

Spend up on prostitutes, wine and beer

The Federal Government is sending many of us a $600 to $1,400 rebate, thanks to the so-called global financial crisis.

The story doing the rounds today goes like this...

- If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China.
- If we spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.
- If we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
- If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
- If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan or Germany.
- If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, wine and beer, since these are the only products still produced in Australia.

4 comments:

Nick said...

This was a Cairns Post "letter to the editor" a while ago. I remember reading it.....

While beer and wine might be produced in Oz, aren't most wineries and breweries partly controlled by overseas interests as well ? As for prostitutes, have a look in the Cairns Post, most of them seem to be imports as well.

There are some real Aussie whores though, but they don't seem to be working in brothels..

Syd Walker said...

Paying local lawyers is another suitable way to shower around loose change. Let them spend it on prostitutes, wine and beer.

It's certainly a good time to retain a lawyer or two and start paying in advance for probable future services. See Simpsons porn and that swinging video. The Moral Panic Taskforce may raid YOUR house next. Are you ready? Is your house or office completely ‘clean'?

Rob Pyne just missed out on being cruxified earlier this year in a News Corp-sponsored Hijack/Moral Panic, when he sent an email to a few friends that contained a photographic image of a pair of mammary glands. One of the recipients snitched. If I recall correctly, that person was a News Ltd co-called 'journalist', whom Rob had naively considered a friend. I imagine Rob's wiser these days - and less inclined to share a joke.

But you may not be so lucky! Better check your computer cache before you go to bed, just in case the plods drop round overnight.

Remember, in Australia Through the Looking Glass, CARTOONS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

Of course, lawyer or no lawyer, if you're ever ‘sprung’ for any 'online crime' the mass media will indubitably sentence your good name before trial. So you might want to hire a local PR firm too. Even if you win the case eventually, the experience may well ruin your life!

More taxpayer-funded Thought Police is another first-class strategy for pump-priming our economy in this hour of crisis. I suggest a national web of paid-informers, focusing on youth, to report to government on all forms of deviance in the community. What’s deviance? The general rule is: anything that might be beaten up into a Moral Panic on the front page of your local rag.

As we have Labor Governments in almost every State and at national level, I can only conclude that the ALP bears the ultimate responsibility for the shameful assault on Australians' civil liberties that’s currently underway.

Shock jocks and yellow journalists lead the way - but all too many Labor politicians seem happy to recite the lines and pass the laws necessary to erode our basic civil liberties. When did you last year Messrs Wettenhall, O’Brien, Boyle, Pitt or Turnour speak up for the freedom of the individual?

Taken as a whole, Australia’s conformist, managed politicians seem to think more of the opinions of Fred Nile than Socrates or John Stuart Mill. It is pathetic.

Lillian at Yorkeys said...

Yep, I'm up there with you Mr. Syd. Completely agree. Labor has turned in to a sham. Mind you, at least on a Fed level we don't have Whingeing Johnny Howard any more. We do have do count our blessings. However, I'm not sure where the Fed Govt is going.
As to State Govt - they're not definitely listening - eg. dead Cairns Yacht Club & waterfront land, mandatory fluoride in waterm ridiculous dams & so on. And yet, the LNP seem a tad Fawlty Towers to me.
I'm only going for sane independents in the future.

Anonymous said...

I have been up front and personal with Lawrence Springborg recently (only to have a conversation mind!) and he reminded me of a cardboard cut-out figure.

No subtance and only for show!

Mark McArdle came across as more empathetic and human.

But I agree, that they need to get their act together, or they give us little or no alternative.