Caption Contest

Fans of my Caption Contest always wait with baited breath for the next installment, not to mention my zany humour.

I rarely have to use my own photos, as there's perfectly good ones out there to steal. Today's one is no exception. Bruce Long of the Courier Mail snapped this beauty, in regard to Desley's gaffe yesterday.

Usual rules apply: Don't be personally derogatory, just funny.

1. "Desley, please open your eyes a little wider, you look like a stuffed wabbit."
2. "What do you mean, 'you just swallowed some fluoride?' "
3. "Let's tell them after Saturday that we're getting married Des babe..."
4. "What's that yellow "yacht" word sprayed in your hair Desley?"
5. "Alright Anna, I confess, the reason why I got rid of that damm Yacht Club was because it diverted attention away from my new hair doo. And it worked a treat, no one noticed at all, they all got stuck into Val instead!"
6. "Your teeth are very white Captain, is there something you want to tell me?"
7. "So it was you in those 'Pauline Hanson' pix!"
8. ..............."your turn............"

Caption Contest returns

I snapped this gem yesterday, during the Shadow Treasurer's flying visit to Cairns.

Here's Joe Hockey with LNP's candidate for Mulgrave, Vic Black.

1. "My, this heat in Cairns is worse than Marysville"
2. "I do have a headache actually, I have to come all the way up here and listen to hick-town regional journalists read dumb prepared questions they don't even understand from their bosses."
3. "Well I thought 'Vic' was going to be some sexy girl standing for Mulgrave. How wrong could I have been?"
4. "Joe, you look like you've just got word you're going back on Sunrise with Kevin Rudd in the morning!"
5. "Look Vic, I told you I didn't want a call girl till I get back to the hotel."
6. ............" your turn........."

Oh, the irony

Kassandra Zandt doesn't need a publicity agent with friends like Gavin and Mark at the Cairns Post.

You see 18-year-old Ms Zandt loves to strip down to her swimmers at any given opportunity. It's what she does. Then her pix get plastered all over the print media. It's what the Cairns Post does. Then the tradies - or at least some of them, along with some lonely mum's in Manunda, dribble all over a nearly life-sized print of her perky breasts and D-sized cups on the cover of today's Post. And they wonder why people call it the Compost?

Oh, the irony. You see the cover story is all about a trashy magazine, Zoo Weekly, printing Kassandra's boobies against her wishes and to her horror. So what does the Cairns Post do? Exactly the same! However, it seems that Mrs Zandt "gave The Cairns Post permission to run the least revealing of the photos," the story says. The 'least' revealing? Please. Did she give permission to grace the entire front cover of the newspaper, three times the size of any photo in Zoo Weekly? Maybe she should sue the Post as well?

I wonder if Post writer Bronwyn Cummings knew that Chief of Stiff Gavin King would run a full-page cover spread on this girl?

The Post has published a number of photos of this young lass over the last few months. Seems like they are rather fixated on her, and other young barely-clad females. If there's a pedophilia award in the Murdoch empire, the Cairns Post would be a breast ahead of the rest.

One of the all-time horrid photos was of 16-year-old Kendal Schuler, who looked like her mum banned her from McDonald's when she was five. I thought she'd make a good subject for a caption contest at the time, but I didn't want to give Kendal anymore exposure. The photo looked like someone was jamming a broom where the sun don't shine, and not in a nice way. Maybe she was saying something to the photographer like "If I put my hand here, my head won't fall off. He he he."

The reason why the Cairns Post continues to exploit this type of so-called journalism, and give it such promernence is because it's dramatic and cheap porn at the least, and means they only have to put around thirty words on the cover of their tablewd.

It seems that any excuse for some full page barley-of-age titillating titty. Oh Cairns Post, you're sometimes right up there with the News of the World, National Enquirer, and even The Sun. At least they do this stuff on page three.

Stolen from the Cairns Post

Here's a caption contest you won't be able to resist from participating in.... it's Santa Val.. with politically-correct Mrs Santa.

Is Val trying to tell us something? Should she be wearing lavender and some comfortable shoes?

Cairns Post photographer Veronica Sagredo snapped this wee gem for us all to chuckle over.

Whilst I'm all for giving some festive cheer to those less fortunate (people living in Townsville, former Mayors, right-wing Bloggers, closet gays, George Bush supports, sediment control police, Dubai call centre operators, employees of Cairns Port Authority and Desley Boyle, Belinda Neal MP, Bryan Law's alter ego: Bryan Outlaw), I just wish Val had presented some pressies to those that supported her get into office. That's all we wanted. A little more love. Some TLC for all the letterbox drops and campaigning we did to over-throw the big bad giant of Cairns, KB.

Oh, and the environment. Val could have given the environment a better pressie in her first few months in office. She's voted in direct contradiction to many pre-election statements. Check this vid out.

Maybe we'll have to put the first 9 months in office down to Labor pains? Maybe her voting and support for the people who supported her will change in 2009. Maybe.

Anyway, back to the serious business of Val-foolery. As always, I'll start the ball rolling. Keep your comments funny and reasonably on the clean side. Nah, anything goes!

1. "Val, you look dashing in pink, I mean red. How about you slip into something nice later and we go for a drink?"
2. "Ms Claus, this is the best fun I've had at a hospital since Desley fooled Cairns saying they'd be getting a new one!"
3. "You mean it's nearly Christmas? I'm not even a Christian. I just like the over-eating at this time of year!"
4. "That's some nice buns you have their Ms Mayor!"
5. "I asked Peter Tabulo. Then I asked Noel Briggs. I'd have a better chance of getting Councillor Pyne to dance with me."
6. "...........your turn............"

Caption Contest returns

Arh, the return of the infamous CairnsBlog Caption Contest, you've all been waiting for!

This pic was stolen from Dennis-quick-to-leave-Kev's-office-Quick CairnsWatch blog. It shows Quickie and our former Mayor in waiting, KB, at their favourite haunt, Villa Romana. That's the one with the 53 sq meters courtesy of Kevin's old Council.

So, what were they saying? What plans were they scheming? Why were they wearing those silly hard hats?

Here's your chance to put words in their mouths. There's a free Chocolate fish in it for the best entries. For the record, that's KB on the right, as always.

1. "Hurry up and take that photo, I'm due on board the Dumbskin for the 2pm charter."
2. "Us ex-Army buddies love a good long vino lunch we can charge to some account code."
3. "Does green go with blue? I dunno, but we're both available at the right price."
4. "If George was here, we would be sitting on the footpath."
5. "Don't worry, we'll break Val after another few months. She'll be one of us."
6. "These dark sunglasses allow me to keep an eye out for those bloody Blog cameras."
7. ................."your turn"................

Caption Contest

Spotted at Smithfield Centre, this week. Thought we could have some fun with this one.

1. "Mummy, how come daddy doesn't wear undies like that?"
2. "Mummy, why is he smiling with such a small dick like that?"
3. "Suzie, stop looking at that photo, you'll never get a boy like that, they're all gay."
4. "Mummy, why doesn't daddy look like that, did he let it go after you got married?"
5. "Suzie, please don't become a perv in your young age, please."
6. ........... your turn ...........

Caption Contest

Too much crap around Cairns this week, so how about this one.. Just what is the guy looking at the camera thinking?

Chocolate fish for the best entry!

1. "Yeah, I know, I'm up next".
2. "These larger fit condoms leave a lot to be desired".
3. "Arh, so here's where I find the WorkChoices legislation"
4. "Are you sure this is where the Douglas water supply comes from?"
5. "Are you sure this is where the Beaconsfield miners are?"
6. "And you reckon you have a shit job.."
7. "This is where Desley is hiding!"
8. ......."your turn........"

The return of the Caption Contest

1. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for your undivided land."
2. "Never mind the Chardonnay socialists, where's a free job after I finish my term?"
3. "I have never been, and never wil be in the pockets of developers."
4. "Dennis, can you drive this bulldozer over to Machans Beach, I've a wee job for you."
5. "The difference is that when I upped the rates and backflipped, people expected it."
6. "Who is this LHL and Capital Globe anyway? They run a chain of ice cream shops, don't they?"
7. "When I grow up, all this can be apartments, all this!"
8. "Is my head blocking the CEC logo, hope so."
9. "Ok, all together now, Udo Jattke goes round and round, round and round..."
10. "............your turn........"

Caption Contest

Pictured in today's Cairns Post is Mayor Val Schier just before boarding a charted flight to view our region from a bird's eye view.

Here's your chance to put words in the mouth of Val, who's chatting to Yarrabah councillor Tony Fourmile.

It was a who's who of the region's local government honchos.

Val and Tony where joined by Mayors from Cassowary Coast Bill Shannon; Tablelands' Tom Gilmore, and Desmond Tayley of Wujal Wujal. Also along for the free ride was MPs Steve Wettenhall and Rosa Lee Long from the Tablelands, and some nameless folk from the Environmental Protection Agency and Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority.

When I heard the other day that this lot were heading up for a flight altogether, I couldn't help but think back to 1990 when then Mayor Keith Goodwin, along with a bunch of officials around the region, were all killed when flying near Mt Emerald.

As always, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "Val, can you make this plane do a backflip?"
2. "After take off, you hold Wettenhall down and I'll wedgie him."
3. "I think Yarrabah would make a nice Northern Beaches Town Centre Tony"
4. "Check that Rosa Lee doesn't have Pauline stuffed in her hand bag."
5. "I hope that the curse of Nowakowski isn't with us today!"
6. "Oh, I think it's because they couldn't afford a colour photograph at the Cairns Post Tony, nothing to do with being sympathetic to you at all."
7. ....your turn....

Return of the Caption contest

It's been awhile. But all good things are worth waiting for, my little munchkins.

Today marks the return of the infamous CairnsBlog caption contest!

As usual, first prize will be a weekend holiday away with the former Cairns Mayor Kevin Byrne. Second prize will be two weekends away with Kev.

I took today's caption contest photo (below) at the one and only public community forum for Division 9. This contest was against Janine Aitken in the Red Corner, and Sno Bonneau in the Bright Red Corner. It wasn't a fight over left Vs right. More a fight over sexy Vs old sexy.

Former Councillor and Sno Ant mate, Annette Sheppard, turned up 30 minutes early, armed with "Cairns 1st this way" red and blue posters from her home printer. Kinda funny really. She and Sno were attempting to make the point that the meeting was orchestrated by Janine and her Cairns 1st buddies.

I'm the first to admit that there was a real desire on the part of Janine's mob to get a public meeting underway. Their motivation was two-fold.

One: Sno hates public meetings. Well-known factiod number one. He hasn't been to one community residents' meeting since been re-elected. Sno infamously told the Clifton Beach Stirrers Association, that he doesn't go to their meetings, because their invitations always come too late. He again made that announcement at the night of the community forum at Smithfield Tavern. Me thinks he simply doesn't like the fact he'd have to come face-to-face with his residents who like asking questions.

The other reason why Janine was keen on a public meeting during the campaign, is because that's what political campaigns are all about. Open debate of issues. Being held accountable for what you've achieved or not. An opportunity for the community to raise concerns and find out candidates' plans and proposals for the future. Otherwise they simply have to rely on your glossy propaganda. I mean, anyone can write advertising speak to bullshit and confuse the masses. After being in office for many years, you acquire a certain skill at it.

Regardless of who organised it, the meeting did occur. It happened on a wet, wet northern beaches night, and in a horrible venue with the noisiest roof from the pounding tropical rain and neighbouring pub patrons. There was a mixed bag of followers, and a few deadbeats from either side of the political fence. There were also set up stooges on either side, that appeared to be ready to shout and ignore the chair's direction to shut the eff up when politely asked.

It was, not the most orderly political meeting I've ever been too. Never the less, it served some sort of purpose. I got some handy cam footage of Sno being an absolute gentlemen to the gathered constituents. This rare footage will sell on Ebay in years to come for a fortune I'm sure.

Janine, dressed in a polite understatement to blend in with the pub curtains, did her best impression of a girl-next-door about to commit a heinous murder. She was a real delight to listen to. So was Sno. They sat either side of the lectern, whilst JCU economics Professor Doug Hunt was trying to hold the fort, amid quickfire abuse coming from the floor. It was worth skipping The Simpsons for.

I've ranted a little, but I merely wanted to give you all a glimpse into a evening that should have been shared by more. These events are fun. Messy dirty fun, but fun all the same. It was like having a blowie with your cousin's friend behind the bike sheds. Kinda hope know one finds out, but left you with a smirk on your face for at least an hour.

So, please do your darnest. As always, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "Sno, you look at me with that fake grin one more time, and I will bitch slap you."
2. "On behalf of the Mayor Kevin Byrne, Hedly and CEC, I'd like to say thank you for keeping me in this job..."
3. "I have way more cleavage than Ms Aitken, I can assure you."
4. "What? The Smithfield Tavern is 'historic'? Maybe it's about time to let the developers in on that joke!"
5. "Sno, you have a lovely tie and sense of style. Now go home and see how the rest of the community dresses up in these here parts."
6. ....your turn....

Old tired Drag acts

When I buy Roses chocolates, I always savour and save the strawberry ones till last.

I've had this pic for about three years, hidden away in my underground vault (thanks Richard!). It was time for a good airing.

This is our lovely Mayor, Kevin Byrne, all dollied up as Dame Edna. I believe that's radio jock John Piva on Kev's arm, but I would welcome reader's feedback.

The function was one of those annual Chamber of Commerce luncheons, when Kev attempts to make a good laugh for the audience, usually at his own expense. Sometimes it works. Other times he picks a recently deceased world leader like Yasser Arafat, and it goes horribly wrong, and in really bad taste.

When Andrew Grittiths orchestrates and advises Kevin, it's usually a treat for the audience. The fact that our Mayor has the ability to laugh at himself, not only saves us some time, it's shows us he can be a good sport.

By the way, we should say a big hello to all those CairnsBlog virgins, that got lured here this weekend by our $250 Cairns Post advert. Hope it shamelessly did the trick to get us more readers.

So, herewith we present the return of our infamous Caption Contest.

Please remember the rules: You can be as funny as you like, so long as it's not derogatory. Com'm Paul, Terry and Denis, I know you're reading this. We expect some funny comments from you lads.

As always, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "Haha, if I look more like Val, I just might get her votes too."
2. "Amanda never looked better after that facial and Vichy."
3. "Who says I look like Bryan Law, four years on?"
4. "Hurry up with that photo, we're off to see a queen."
5. "Yeah, I do shave under my arms, it's a metro-sexual thing."
6. ....your turn.....

Caption Contest

Today's pic heralds the return of the infamous CairnsBlog caption contest!!

This beauty was snapped by Cairns Post and shows Division 10 candidate in the upcoming Cairns Regional Council elections and former Acting CEO of the Douglas Shire, Julia Leu.

Julia's embracing a Douglas Shire staffer, holding a pair of scissors (they're her glasses, but we can have way more fun if they were something else!) behind an unsuspecting back. We thought it was worthy of a caption contest, don't you?!

As always, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "Just wait till I get elected, there'll be more cuts you know"
2. "Okay, now talk like Kevin.. really deep and grumpy.."
3. "Since we're leaving, I'll knick the stationery, you grab the photocopy paper!"
4. "I'm off to prune a few trees. We have way too many up here anyway"
5. "Yay.. almost the end of this Council!
6. ....your turn......

The return of the Caption Contest

This week's Caption Contest

Cairns Post photographer, Elenor Tedenborg captured this fantastic incongruous pic of the Mayor of Cairns in yesterday's paper.

Kev's adorned in his crisp white shirt and corporate tie, holding his sunnies and looking decidedly awkward about being within 100 meters of the aboriginal camps in Portsmith. It so deserves another airing.

But what was he thinking? Well, this is where you come in.. tell us!

1. "I heard there was a Macca's over here somewhere?"
2. "I only bowl over heritage buildings, but these look all so recent"
3. "I haven't felt this uncomfortable since Yasser Arafat passed away"
4. "If we can get Tom and Udo over here, this will be an apartment block by lunchtime."
5. "This is a fab spot for our Chinese garden"
6. "I'm sure Biff and Ben buried Cochrane, Blake and Sheppard out here somewhere"
   
7. ...sorry, was getting carried away... your turn now!....

This week's Caption contest

Here's Johnny chatting with the chef at Cairns Private Hospital whilst visiting town the other day.

What he said is probably funnier than anything you may come up with... "You're the one who makes our tummies happy!"

However, we at CairnsBlog would like your take on this auspicious occasion...

1. "I hope you're on the immigration register Wong?"
2. "It's a mighty fine hat, you didn't have to dress up for me"
3. "So you prepare the meals for those that can afford private health care?"
4. "Anyway, what are you doing out of the kitchen?"
5. "I have mine medium rare, unlike Charlie"
6. .............your turn............

Photo courtesy of ABC's The Poll Vault

This week's Caption contest

I detest morning breakfast TV.

However, I snapped this this morning for you, and think it's rather adapt for our weekly caption contest... the two Richards!

Here's presenter Richard Wilkins, who runs the so-called entertainment section on The Today Show on WIN TV, with that rather outrageous and loud Amercian Richard Reid, who seems to know all the gossip that there is to know in 3 minutes... yawn.

Enough to put you back to bed. Anyway, have fun.

1. "Why do you always scream at me Richard?"
2. "Does you mum know you talk like this?"
3. What are you exactly wearing below the desk?"
4. Yes, it is kind of entertainment, and news... well, we do get paid rather well for this dribble!"
5. What do you mean, I sound camp? You can talk Richard darling!"
6. ...your turn...

This week's Caption contest

Here's a pic from The Cairns Post with Ian Crossland, John McKenzie from 846AM, and Jim Turnour at the industrial relations political debate forum that Stuart Traill organised last week.

Charlie McKillop didn't attend, hence the empty chair. Nice one Stu.

Therefore, I thought readers would enjoy having some fun with this band of local minor celebs. As always, please keep the comments clean. Points for being clever and funny. Anything too below the belt will be removed.

1. "I reckon Work Choices are really under-rated Jim, just like your speech writer"
2. "Jim and Ian, I think you should job share come 24th November"
3. "John, who ya gunna vote for? Kevin's not standing remember!"
4. "At least with Charlie absent, her her mobile phone didn't go off!"
5. "This is really beyond me, I mean we get more listeners on 846, and I can cut them off."
6. ....your turn.....

This week's Caption contest

Like Richie Bates, I'm a mad keen cyclist, and wish I was in town last Wednesday for National Ride to Work day.

Even Locco and the Mayor did it, and thank God, he didn't wear lycra. The Cairns Post's Nelli Pratt, one of their fabbo photographers, captured these two infamous celeb wannabes outside Council Chambers.

Now's your chance to put words in their mouth... I know you wanna. As always, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "One suck on this Mike, and you'll never go back!"
2. "What do you mean, I've been on a few bikes Kev??"
3. "Yeah, those shorts were made out of an old tea towel from a luncheon"
4. "Margaret was going to come too, but I won't let her play with the boys anymore"
5. "Yeah, let's go play 'find the cycling paths' ! "
6. ....your turn...

This week's Caption Contest

This week's caption contest is of some random English backpackers visiting Cairns.

It's dedicated to the editorial team at the Cairns Post, who gave us the inspiration for some gratuitous soft core chicks for the pleasure of 88% of the male population, and probably 12% of female audience (give or take a bit).

Anyway, we will name this week's "I-couldn't-be-bothered-doing-another-political-jibe-this-week" contest.

Good luck... and please, keep em clean.

1. "You can't be serious, Howard is only 7 points behind?"
2. "We come from a land up over to see what the boys got down under"
3. "I'm Jane and she's Tarzan, what's your name big boy?"
4. "Yeah we caught a fish this big, but I threw it back because it was way too cute"
5. "Well, at least I bought my towel, you towel!"
6. Just think, we could be in China as your Mayor's personal secretaries if you weren't taking our photo!"
7. ... your turn...

This week's caption contest

With the news over the last few days that Johnnie will allow Peter to play in the sandpit before too long, this infamous photo needs an airing.

So, in the spirit of giving dear Kevin a rest this week (we have other surprises in store for him!), here's the Howard and Costello show!

Get your captions in fast...as this week's it's gunna be fun! As usual, I'll start the ball rolling...

1. "John, you know exactly where it itches, don't you?"
2. "I thought you said the children were under board?"
3. "My, you do have big ideas Pete!"
4. "No Jeanette is out with the kids tonite and won't be back till late"
5. "I'll do to you Pete, what I've done to the country"
6. "....your turn........