Wednesday 28 April 2010

Sir Alan Blake - acting like a Mayor until Friday

While Mayor Schier is overseas celebrating her 60th, deputy Margaret Cochrane has been acting Mayor.

However this morning, along with Cairns Regional Council CEO Lyn Russell, our Acting Mayor headed off to a civic leaders summit at Twin Waters Resort, leaving the city of Cairns in a pickle. Who was going to take charge?

With no chance of getting a left-leaning leftie tree-hugging socialist to take over, the right rear guard flexed their muscle after an unsuccessful attempt to install the smooth operator from the South, Councillor Gregory, who wasn't available.

Councillors Julia Leu, tiger-loving Kirsten Lesina, and Diane Forsyth all voted against high-rise councillor Alan Blake sneaking into Val's office and looking for his file. This astonishing event all happened at last week's infrastructure services meeting.

Councillor Pyne in a fit of Mt Sheridan road rage, nominated the ever so hard-working CBD whiz kid Alan Blake. His good dinner chum and secret northern beaches schemer, Margaret Cochrane, seconded the vote faster than you could say 'save the trees and that waterfront thing'!
CairnsBlog has exclusively obtained some pages of Alan's diary, and is delighted to share them, as part of our on-going campaign for open and transparent local government. Nothing has been changed or altered in any way.

Wednesday 28th April, 2010
  • 6:35am
    Alarm goes off on my Blackberry. - Oh, how I curse that phone, it's the one that Council issued me and I really want another one. But I like the number and it has a nice ring to it. But this phone has way too much history and we really should go our separate ways. I recall that when Kerie left, hers was handed to Forsyth, who I wouldn't trust at a Liberal Cake Baking contest. I will destroy mine then no one will find out my dark secrets. Hahahha suckers you silly IT guys. Why the CEO is investigating my mobile - I can't understand.

    Make a cuppa in my Expresso 3000 Speedmaker. I buy ground beans now after the incident with my samurai sword. Really, they should have warning like they do about peanuts and bloggers. Milk is past it's best by date but there's always an extra two days in Coles Homogenised 5 litre Family pack.

    Tune in to Hot FM and listen to the real news. Rabbited on something about turtles or animals. I hate animals especially ones that think we should save them. Note: ring Mackenzie at 4CA and say we should save the dugongs. Will look and sound convincing. I tuned into ABC Far Out one time and that Kier guy just did my head in.

    Went to turn the computer on, but forgot to switch it off at 2:35am this morning. I really don't remember going to that website. Never mind, close it so no one will ever know. hahhaha suckers! Type "CairnsBlog" into my browser - nothing about me. Look through the comments. Can't find anything about me. Makes a change. Still, will send an email to my sister and tell her that the blog is trying to defame me again. Delete history in browser. Call Federal Police. Get put on hold and told to ring back. Why do they treat me like this? Don't they know who I am???

    Open my secret Facebook profile. No one will ever guess this name. Reset my old password from 'notarealgreenie2009' to 'iowepyneabeerapril2010'

    Spotted a quote on Facebook that says... "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are; your reputation is merely what others think you are."
    I can relate to this, and feel I'm the most mis-understood leader of the free north.

    Go to Cairns Post website but there's too much stuff on there. Like Shorey, it does my head in. Such a trashy rag. I read the story about a sperm donor drought in Far North, but there's no 1800 number. Note to diary: Must ring ed and take him for a coffee at Perottas whilst I'm in charge this week. He still likes me I think even though Kerie is not taking boxes of files over to Abbott Street. Oh I miss that girl around the office.

    Wonder if I should head into the office early today. I really should walk around the building today, holding a bunch of papers - just to show the staff that I'm a leader that can connect with the ordinary slave. This time I'd better get some real papers as it looked a bit dickey with a freshly wrapped ream of A4 copy paper the other week when I tried this stunt. Thanks for nothing Sno.

    I want to head in early but then all the chiefs are away. So it really is a delima, ummm deleema... dilemma. yeah, that's the one.

    Head down to the basement. What car should I take today? The Yaris says young, hip, urbane, zippy, and fresh, but the MX5 says cool, suave, cool, sexy, available, independent, divorced, one-friend, a bit desperate but still on the market. Did I say cool? Decisions. I bet this will be the biggest decision I have to make all day. Really, it will.

    Arrive at Council car park. Now for the best three days of my last Council term. What can I do to make a lasting impact? Byrne did the Esplanade Lagoon idea that he stole from Tom Pyne. Schier just stole her idea from broke Bligh. I think I'll grab some stuff from the stationery cupboard to go with that bunch of second-hand computers I got last year. Suckers!!

    I'll finish this later on. Should be a fun few days. I'm still going to do the same amount of work I usually do but just with way more people noticing me. Wow, those amyl nitrite tabs from Erotica will go down a treat this week. Must ring Denis or Warren at the LNP office and see if they return my calls this time.

The Blake Diaries continue tomorrow...


Thornton On Spence said...

12.36pm Must call Jim Turnour to find out how he handles being a loser and lightweight and get some advice on how to look busy without doing anything.

Lucy of Lake Street said...

By jolly gosh Hard to believe it's true but I bet it is. I bet you also went through his rubbish bin

the smithfield smithy said...

Blake save his rubbish, it's where his best ideas come from

Margaret Cochrane's Big Toe said...

Blake, While I'm away please be a dear and keep away from my drawers.

Also, would you finish the dishes and send Ms Lesina a get well soon card.

Meet you at the usual on teh Esplanade on Friday evening. Make sure you redecorate or at least make Soja's day a happy and rewarding one.

Eli Richards said...

sue the bugger Alan... go on. He's trying to say that you read the newspaper...... and I know for a fact you don't!!!

Noddy said...

Once upon a time, in a land, far,far away...

So tell me, how's this fairytale going to work. The village idiot now gets to be King?

Damn lucky for all of us AB doesn't read the blog, this would give him some new ideas, bereft of his own as he is

nod, nod, wink, wink said...

Woop, Woop, red light alarm, call your 'personal contacts' in the Federal Police right now AB, and stop these people from making a bloody fool of you.

That's your job!

Bucking Ham said...

I saw AB to horse this arvo near the new tennis centre.

He may be a puffed up piece of philandering filth, but he has a smashingly well-turned set of calves, and I understand why the ladies like him.

Will he make a difference? Is he even real? Must ask the Doctor!

Chris of Manunda said...

Chris of Manunda says;

A least A. Blake cannot be accused of acting coruptly on behalf of his mates....he hasn't got any.
Chris of Manunda