Monday 12 April 2010

How many Cairns students does it take to change a light bulb?

Some fun self-deprecating humour written by and for local students. Guess you had to be there.

  • So, how many students does it take to change a light bulb?

    Cairns High Thirty-one. One to change the bulb and thirty to paint interpretive murals about it all over the city

    Kuranda None. It is unsafe for pregnant girls to attempt such a dangerous task.

    St Augustine’s Two. One to change the light and one to jump around because it’s the most exciting thing that’s ever happened there.

    Cairns Christian College None. That hole looks better in the dark

    Trinity Bay Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one

    Trinity Anglican School Three. One to put a formal complaint abut the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn’t half as bright as the light shining from their arses

    Woree High Six. Four to break into the shop, one to steal the globe and one to install it

    St. Mary’s One. He/she holds the bulb and the world revolves around him/her

    Smithfield High None. They’re all to drunk to notice

    St Monica’s Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times

    Gordonvale High School None. Everything not welded down had been flogged long ago

    Mossman High One. The only person who isn’t suspended, wagging, playing sport or living in a tree

    Peace Lutheran Nobody bothered to ask because nobody gives a shit about Peace Lutheran

    Innisfail High - None. Everything not welded down flew away in Cyclone Larry.

    Malanda & Atherton High - Can cows actually change lightbulbs?!

and some from Townsville...


  • St. Pats – One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

    Grammar – Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

    William Ross – None. They’re all too drunk to notice.

    Cathedral – One. Someone will put a call through to maintenance staff because there’s no way they are going to do manual labour.

    Northern Beaches – None. That hole looks better in the dark.

    St. Margaret Mary’s – None. You’ve gotta be kidding me. They are too busy trying to beat each other into a modeling career to worry about stuff like that.

    Ignatius Park – None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.

    Pimlico – Five girls. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times. The boys are too busy comparing dick sizes.

    Heatley – Six. Four to break into the store, one to steal the bulb and one to install it.

    Town High – None. It’s too unsafe for pregnant girls to attempt such a dangerous task and all the guys are too busy dodging child support to worry about a light bulb.

    Kirwan – Five. One to install it and four to tally the number of times he says ‘f**k’ or talks about rugby while he’s doing it.

    Ingham High – None. Everything that hasn’t been welded down has long since been stolen.

    Thuringowa – None. Everyone is either suspended or wagging (including the teachers).

    Ryan – None. They’re too embarrassed about the fact they can’t do basic schoolwork, let alone get a light bulb to work.

    Ayr – None. The livestock find dimly lit rooms more romantic anyway.

    JCU – Seventy-six. One to change the bulb. Fifty to protest the bulb’s right not to change and twenty-five to stage a counter-protest.

2 comments:

Bob Marsh said...

Repetition killed the donkey! First few were funny.

Gavinbland said...

Mike
You left out Home Schoolers:
None: The light bulb has to want to change